I love sharing about God with other people when I can. The more I know Him, the more I’m eager to tell about Him. It’s not my intention to be seen and called a righteous person as there’s no human being who is righteous and perfect. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. But His perfect love and faithfulness in my life is the story that I want to tell. The spotlight is not me but Him. I’m just a supporting actress and, He is the main character. I am just the writer and, He is the author.

I’ve seen the global effects of this pandemic since the start of 2020. It’s one of the toughest times in our history. So these past few months I have been praying about the next topic to write about, hoping it can bring light to people who feel hopeless. Most of the time, I can start with a title and then struggle to  finish the whole article. But today,  God gave me the courage to share a part of my life that happened two years ago. 

Our mother taught us how to pray when we were little. I learned that when I pray, I get to talk to God and tell Him the things I am thankful for as well as what I need. My prayers, up until two years ago when I moved to Thailand, were all about bitterness and hopelessness. In that season of my life, my everyday prayer to God was to take me home to heaven. Yes, you read it right! I told God to take me home.

Those were the days when I would buy anything I wanted for myself, because I could afford it. I had a good job and bought some properties. I even almost got married that year. Yes, I had everything I thought I wanted but, I felt a hole in my heart.  It seemed like my life was peaceful but it was really not. I was struggling every single day. I felt like I was slowly dying from my depression and anxiety.  Something was not right! I was looking for answers and purpose in my life but, I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t identify what was missing inside of me, couldn’t understand the angst I was feeling.  I became so tired of living I eventually  told God not to wake me up anymore. If I could have taken my own life, I would have. But, thankfully I feared  God so I endured the hardships I was going through. It was the lowest point of my life.

One day, as I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook, a post from one of my high school batch mate caught my attention. In her post, she was saying she was tired of living and wanted to end her life. At that very moment, I messaged her and ask how she was doing…asked her what was going on…inquired about how she was feeling, etc.  My friend openly shared with me what she was going through. She had just found out that she was pregnant and was literally heartbroken. She was diagnosed with Gravidocardia, a cardiac disorder that results from physiological changes associated with pregnancy. In medical terms, it is a valvular heart disease slash atrial fibrillation with moderate ventricular response. Her doctor told her that the valve of her heart was weak and only 33% can function with a 20% chance of survival. Which meant there was a very slim chance for both of them (her and her baby) to survive the pregnancy, labor, and delivery. It was very likely that only one would live. She felt alone. She was fighting but had no hope left. Immediately, the phrase that entered my mind when I was speaking to her was “life is precious”. I shared with her how God loves us so much and, that we don’t own our life. Therefore, we have no right to take it but, only Him. Whereas, some people are praying to God asking for more time to spend with their family. I sent her all the bible verses with God’s promises that I could think of to help her stop thinking about ending her life.

After our conversation, I realized that I was telling my friend exactly what I needed to remind myself. I knew God was there with me, beside me, my entire life. The problem was me. I only called on Him when I couldn’t do it by myself anymore. Then, I’d eventually go back to relying on my own natural strength again. I didn’t let God be the center of my life. I didn’t let Him in on some decisions I made. I didn’t think about glorifying Him with the things I did and forgot to thank Him for the things He had done for me. I forgot that I conquered lots of battles because God was helping me. I loved Him but, I loved the world more than Him.

God helped me to wake up from slacking in my Christian life. He saved me before I totally fell away from Him. He showed me how to step out in my faith through other Christians who were more spiritually mature than me for which I am very grateful. At the same time, I continued to encourage my friend to trust in God more and assured her that everything was going to be okay… That with Him nothing is impossible. 

The day came for my friend to deliver her baby. She messaged me that the baby was out by a vaginal delivery and not CS. They were both alive and well. Wow! As soon as I received the good news, I hurried to the hospital. When I saw her, quickly I felt like tears falling from my eyes. I witnessed the greatness of the God I serve. Truly He is an amazing God. Truly with Him nothing is impossible. He lovingly is redeeming all who believe in Him. 

Here’s a picture of us at that moment.

My friend and her baby while in the hospital.

The joy and peace I felt that time I was with my friend in the hospital, cannot be compared to any material things. Little did I know, it was a glimpse of the joy and peace that God had prepared for me. Now, my friend became light and a living testimony to the people around her. She continuously lets God shine in her. She changed from someone who was hopeless to someone who is now full of hope. This is one of the greatest things my eyes have ever seen.

My friend named her baby Caleb Earl which means “devotion to God by a warrior or nobleman”.

After 1 year and 2 months, we saw each other again when I went home to the Philippines for a two-week vacation. It was unplanned. She wanted to shout with gladness but couldn’t become overexcited because of her condition. I was very happy I got the chance to see her again in person and alive! We both knew it was God’s way.

Truly, God’s ways are not our ways. And His thoughts are not our thoughts they are way beyond our imagination. Today, I continue to walk with Him,knowing Him more, loving Him better every day. I let Him shine through me so others may also see Him and experience the joy and peace that only He can give.

To my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ, may you continue to shine your light wearing the full armor of God. Keep watching for, just like how He described the last days like in the days of Noah, we don’t know when Christ will return.

To those who don’t know God yet, He invites everyone to join His family. Just call unto Him. He is more than happy to hear from you. Let us know how we can pray for you. You can send your prayer request at this email: jill31739@gmail.com